what i'm loving sunday

to start off this might sound a

bit strange but i'm sure most of you can relate

to feelings like this.

i've never really felt like i had much to 

contribute with my life story.

nothing life changing has ever happened to me

in terms of sickness, death or missions in life.

but i have been dealing with this deployment over

the last few months and amidst prayer and searching

deep in my heart i've wondered if and hoped that this

 is my big moment. the big life changing event.

i'm really hoping it is because Lord willing

i prefer not to touch on the latter.

does that all make sense?

i sure hope so b/c it

sounds a little wonky re-reading it,

can anyone else relate?

well,

 today in church i was reminded of the importance to

embrace my story. 

although much of what i'm going through isn't

in sync to what i had imagined and hoped for in life,

it doesn't really matter because 

God is writing my story, not me.

(thank goodness, right?)

how many times do we refer to ourselves

without ever intending to sound self absorbed?

i can count eight references in that first stanza.

it's inevitable. we live to make ourselves

happier, reassured, better-looking or richer.

it's easy to get caught up in the i me mine world.

as of late, it's been really hard to see the importance

of helping others when i feel so low myself. 

but i was reminded today that my situation can help others. 

and maybe that's why God wrote this chapter in my life story.

it's not always about me, shocker

i know!

when i fall into that low pit of despair from time to time

i'm reminded of other military spouse friends

who are going through a similar situation to my own

and then i feel less alone because 

(though it may be selfish)

someone else has an ache in their 

heart that won't go away

just like i do. 

if it weren't for those precious friends, 

that pit of despair might last longer.

i can be that for someone.

for a girl i may not even know.

my story can help someone. 

i can be the girl you think of when it hurts

because you have to spend another day alone

or because you despise looking at all the happy couples 

around, wishing it could be you.

you can think of me

and feel less alone because 

i've been there

and i'm currently there.

in my ideal world, my husband would be home

and wake up next to me every morning

but the beauty of it all is that

in those desperate hours where the ache is so bad

and i long so much for the embrace of my husband

i can remember that my Creator made me

for something bigger. He allowed this chapter in my life.

my story, while not how i planned it, is absolutely perfect for me

because i'm not writing it.  

and i'm not actually supposed to.

the Creator of this world is the author

and He has uniquely designed it for me and for you.

i don't need to try and understand why

i'm spending my first year of marriage

away from the one i love.

it's all been mapped out in advance.

it really doesn't matter what i want, it matters how i use

the story God has written

to better my relationship with Him

and also help those who need to feel comfort

and be encouraged, by saying

you can do this.

nobody has your story.

so embrace what your Creator has written

uniquely for you

maybe it will bless someone else

and in turn you will find

joy in that.

mossy "W"

And the decorating continues...

 apparently all i do is craft now
i followed this tutorial for the moss
and this one for the rosettes
i may or may not moss my entire house
loving it
:)

[linking up]
one 
two 
three

spring wreath: tutorial

I've seen a number of these yarn and felt wreaths on the internet and I was browsing around JoAnn's yesterday (because EVERYTHING is 50% off) and I remembered that I wanted to make one for spring so I thought I'd share with y'all how I made mine because it's so easy, cheap and really fun too!

Supplies:

• Yarn
• A styrofoam wreath 
• Push pins (I chose ones with pearls to add a little touch of cutness)
• One sheet of felt "paper" (I plan on taking 3 of the 4 pictured here back b/c I really only used about half of a sheet)
• Scissors
• Hemp or Ribbon to hang your wreath when finished (not pictured..sorry!)

Step 1:

Cut a pretty lengthy strip of yarn and tie a knot in the end of it. Place a push pin through the knot to secure the strip of yarn, the push pin will later be covered up by yarn flowers so don't worry about it showing through. 

Step 2:
Start to wrap the yarn tightly around the foam. To switch colors just tie the two pieces of yarn together, like you're making a longer strip, and keep wrapping.

Step 3:
Cut out quarter sized circles in the felt. I used about 3/4 of the piece of felt.  The circles don't have to be perfect so if you're OCD like me, just let it go and don't stress over perfectly round circles :) Then fold circles and place a push pin through the center, or wherever you'd like.  Not all the flowers need to be folded the same because it adds nice texture when they're different. To secure the flowers onto the wreath, just push them into the foam using your push pin. These were inspired by Goodnight Moon's flowers!

 Voila! You have a pretty little wreath that only took you about an hour or two to make and cost about $8 total! Pretty easy, right? Hope you guys try making one..if you use my tutorial, let me know so I can see your pretty projects too! Maybe I'll say pretty one more time..

pretty.

spring has sprung

hey friends!
i've been a little m.i.a. because i've been out enjoying springtime.
this weather has made me quite a happy gal lately.

i much prefer warm weather to cold. 

i love keeping my backdoor open to feel the afternoon sun shine in, and

getting to decorate my house for spring is the absolute best.

the flowers were from the flower girl in my wedding and the tin can was part of the

centerpiece arrangement from my cousin's wedding. the leaf dish

and owl soap were a surprise gift from a sweet friend of mine one day at school.

 

i love walking around school and finding fun little pictures like these :) the flower

petals on the walkway were SO pretty in person, i wished that i had more

than my iPhone to get that picture because it really doesn't do it any kind of justice.

i put those plants in pots all on my own, i was so excited.

now my mission is to keep them alive.

the other little pile of fun decor makes me smile everytime

i walk by it in my house :)

happy spring!

wordless wednesday

i decided to give myself a personal day today so i got in my car and drove until i found a pretty spot for pictures. i ended up at some horse stables and instead of horses i found dozens of ladybugs and butterflies. there was a light breeze and sunny skies, it was just perfect :) 

 

all images © Chestnut Tree Photography

his boots

this isn't Mr. but,
seeing those boots is so comforting to me
at one point or another he's been far from home and missed by loved ones
maybe those boots have tread the same ground Mr. walks on right now
the soldier wearing them knows what it's like to endure separation
he's survived on letters from home
Mr. was in those boots for our last embrace and will be in our next
in the book "you know when the men are gone" by siobhan fallon one
of the characters talks about an ache inside her when she sees someone in uniform
but also the longing she has to jump in their arms as if it were her own husband
i get that

...

thank you also to everyone who opened up about their church wounds
from my last post. i appreciated each and every one of your stories, and i'm so
happy to know my post touched some of you.

church wounds

This post is probably going to be somewhat controversial, and maybe not to many people I don't know, but specifically to those I DO know.  With that being said, please know this is not meant to hurt feelings, point fingers, look 'holier than thou,' or burn bridges.  Nor is this post meant to say I'm right and you're wrong. This is simply a post to get out feelings I've harbored inside for quite some time and have come to a place in my life where I'm ready to get them out so I can move on.  It's also really lengthy, so bear with me. I'd really appreciate positive feedback, whether you disagree respectfully or fully agree with me!

I grew up in a very small, independent Baptist church.  Skirts, King James version bibles, hymns, ties, fire and brimstone sermons were all part of this church.  And for many years this was all I knew.  My parents went there, so of course I went there as well.  I had many wonderful friends at this church, and still consider many of those people dear to my heart.  Even still, I knew something about the way worship was portrayed at this church was not fit for me, or the convictions Jesus placed in my heart.  I knew there was more to God than reading "thees" and "thous," and wearing skirts on Sunday mornings.  It was all too idealistic for me, in that "if we do this, this, and this, we are good for the week, oh ya and we're the only right church." It didn't make sense to me that independent Baptist churches were the only right church, as believed by many there.

Around the age of 7 or 8 a lot of my friends started getting baptized.  This outward profession of faith was almost the ticket to being in the "secret club" of this church.  Everyone accepted you after you became a member of the church.  You could then take part in Communion and have your birthday announced in the Sunday bulletin.  But until then, you were the black sheep of the church.  As awful as that sounds, it's exactly how I felt for the duration of my time there.  After my friends had all been baptized at this young age, all eyes turned to me. "Why hasn't she?" "When will she be?"  I was a timid 8 year old little girl and the last thing I wanted to do was stand in front of 100 people [or so] and profess my faith.  It was fear that stopped me at such a young age.

As I grew older and gained more understanding of my faith, I knew going to church was right, and getting baptized was a command from God, but I also knew I never wanted to attend church on Sunday mornings, and I didn't want to be a member of THIS church.  I would fake sick on Sundays just so I wouldn't have to sit through another sermon feeling like the Pastor was yelling at me as he shouted from the pulpit.  I always asked to be excused near the end of each sermon so I could avoid the awkward invitationals, because each week I felt like everyone expected me to go forward and finally get baptized.

It never made sense to me why my little "sin" of not being baptized put such a wall between me and everyone else accepting me.  It really puzzled me when I realized all of the terrible things that teens in our church were taking part in, (drugs, sex and alcohol) yet somehow their sins were overlooked.  Even some adults were living questionable lifestyles outside of church but were not questioned inside church because they were able to put on a good front.  I'm a really honest person and will more than likely tell you my life story if you ask.  I have nothing to hide and to this day, I am bothered by those who live double lives. Everyone struggles with sin, whether it be drugs, cheating, or lying...everyone has something. Why not just admit what it is so others can help you? Why keep up the facade? It has to be eating away at you..ANYWAY sorry to get off on a tangent..I know my choice to not be baptized at their church was viewed as disobedience in their eyes, but was it really disobedient of me to not join a group of believers I didn't agree with? I had no choice of going to another church at the time, because we went to church as a family, no questions asked. 

Some people at this church weren't beyond making someone feel uncomfortable.  I remember one Sunday morning in particular.  There were 4 people [including myself] in my Jr High Sunday school class.  It was the first day in our new class.  All 4 of us had grown up together and everyone knew that I was the only one who had not yet been baptized. Well, the teacher [whom I also grew up with, and had known since birth] decided that his first question to us in this new class would be "Who in here has been baptized?" As if for some reason he hadn't been around the last 14 years and seen all 3 of my friends get baptized? Give me a break...anyway! The 3 friends I had grown up with all raised their hands and I sat there with my hand down, once again, the unaccepted black sheep.  Just because I had not become a member of what I soon referred to as THEIR church, not MY church. That was the final straw.

I finally started asking questions.  I asked my parents, I asked God, I asked others around me. Why did men wear suits on Sunday mornings, ties on Sunday nights and jeans on Wednesday nights?  Don't we worship the same God every hour, every day, all around the world?  Why are upbeat worship songs wrong? I assume since you condemn them for church worship you don't listen to anything with a drumbeat during the week? Do you not listen to Christian radio on week days or even worse contemporary secular radio?  What makes the KJV Bible the only accepted one?  No answer was good enough for me.  I was 14 when I told my parents I could no longer worship at their church.  The principles of the church made no sense to me.

I had been attending a weekly youth group at another, more contemporary church close by.  After a lot of prayer and family discussions, they finally decided to join me and part ways with the independent Baptist church.  It was like a breath of fresh air, so cliche I'm sorry, but it's true.  I almost felt like I discovered a new God after leaving that church.  A God whose love is everlasting, a God who sent His son, Jesus to die for me AND the people who don't wear suits to church.  He died for the people who listen to secular music, He died for the people who like to dance, He died for the people who do drugs, He died for the too timid to be baptized, scared, 8 year old girl.

All too often Christians get caught up with the dos and donts of Christianity and it takes away from the beautiful message of salvation. While it is important to remain obedient to the Scriptures, and encourage our brothers and sisters if we see them fall.  We must first look at our OWN lives and let God take care of the judging. Matthew 7:1-3 "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"

I know it was never the intention of the church members to exclude me and point fingers, but as a child I was deeply hurt by these people. Though we left the church by choice and found hope in God at a new place of worship, we still felt hurt and disowned from the members there.  People stopped calling us, told us our new church was not doctrinally sound, and that we would be back eventually. Years later I am still hurt by the way this church treated me, which is why I chose to write it all out.  I have forgiven those who outright pointed fingers at me, but the wounds will always be there. At the church I attend now, baptism is preached, but not in such a way that condemns those who haven't yet made that step of faith.  Baptism is presented as an outward profession of the miracle that has been done in your heart once you accept Jesus as your Savior. It is seen as an exciting milestone in one's life, one to be celebrated and praised for, not as a right into some secret acceptance club. My parents have since moved to an even more contemporary church, and my husband and I have done the same.

Again, this post was not meant to burn bridges with those friends of mine who still attend this church, I don't think they are bad people nor do I wish to hurt their feelings. This was a post to release pain I've had toward actions taken by some who attended during the time I was there. I have not been to this church in many years, and it may have changed since then, but this was my experience for the duration of my time there. I was given a firm foundation at this independent Baptist church, and wouldn't be who I am today had I not attended there in my youth.  In addition to the foundation I was provided, I have also maintained many solid friendships over the years, with members there, and I love those people dearly. However, I don't agree with a lot of the church teachings and will never be back.

For the record, I don't call myself a religious person.  I prefer to call myself relational because I don't have a religion with Jesus, I have a relationship with Him.. Oh, and I apologize if I began rambling on and making no sense, it was hard to condense this post. I could really write a book about this.


Have you ever been wounded by church?