what i'm loving sunday

to start off this might sound a
bit strange but i'm sure most of you can relate
to feelings like this.
i've never really felt like i had much to 
contribute with my life story.
nothing life changing has ever happened to me
in terms of sickness, death or missions in life.
but i have been dealing with this deployment over
the last few months and amidst prayer and searching
deep in my heart i've wondered if and hoped that this
 is my big moment. the big life changing event.
i'm really hoping it is because Lord willing
i prefer not to touch on the latter.
does that all make sense?
i sure hope so b/c it
sounds a little wonky re-reading it,
can anyone else relate?

 today in church i was reminded of the importance to
embrace my story
although much of what i'm going through isn't
in sync to what i had imagined and hoped for in life,
it doesn't really matter because 
God is writing my story, not me.
(thank goodness, right?)

how many times do we refer to ourselves
without ever intending to sound self absorbed?
i can count eight references in that first stanza.
it's inevitable. we live to make ourselves
happier, reassured, better-looking or richer.
it's easy to get caught up in the i me mine world.

as of late, it's been really hard to see the importance
of helping others when i feel so low myself. 
but i was reminded today that my situation can help others. 
and maybe that's why God wrote this chapter in my life story.
it's not always about me, shocker
i know!

when i fall into that low pit of despair from time to time
i'm reminded of other military spouse friends
who are going through a similar situation to my own
and then i feel less alone because 
(though it may be selfish)
someone else has an ache in their 
heart that won't go away
just like i do. 
if it weren't for those precious friends, 
that pit of despair might last longer.

i can be that for someone.
for a girl i may not even know.
my story can help someone. 
i can be the girl you think of when it hurts
because you have to spend another day alone
or because you despise looking at all the happy couples 
around, wishing it could be you.
you can think of me
and feel less alone because 
i've been there
and i'm currently there.

in my ideal world, my husband would be home
and wake up next to me every morning
but the beauty of it all is that
in those desperate hours where the ache is so bad
and i long so much for the embrace of my husband
i can remember that my Creator made me
for something bigger. He allowed this chapter in my life.
my story, while not how i planned it, is absolutely perfect for me
because i'm not writing it.  
and i'm not actually supposed to.
the Creator of this world is the author
and He has uniquely designed it for me and for you.
i don't need to try and understand why
i'm spending my first year of marriage
away from the one i love.
it's all been mapped out in advance.

it really doesn't matter what i want, it matters how i use
the story God has written
to better my relationship with Him
and also help those who need to feel comfort
and be encouraged, by saying
you can do this.

nobody has your story.
so embrace what your Creator has written
uniquely for you
maybe it will bless someone else
and in turn you will find
joy in that.


  1. oh my goodness. breath-taking. perfect. that's what this post is.

    i think this is one of my favorite posts by you.

    thank you for sharing your heart. thank you for being such an encouragement and blessing to those around you. even if you don't see it, you are and that is because God is using your story to bless others.

    you are beautiful.

  2. As my mother-in-law always says, "count it all joy!"

    It's crazy to think that at a time where you're really hurting to see your husband, but your post did just that :)

    God blesses you so much!


  3. Lovely, lovely post. I needed to hear this today.

  4. Gorgeous post miss. Thank you for sharing. This is truly inspiring to me! You are wonderful in so many ways! xo

  5. what an encouraging and inspiring post and exactly what so many of us needed to hear. i know i did, so THANK YOU! you write beautifully :)

  6. if only you knew how much I needed to read this today. how much I need God & Church & embracing my own story. (lots of I's there) I'm so bad with words .. but felt like I needed to comment & let you know how much I've enjoyed your blog & how happy I am I came across it. Thank You & ~Hugs

  7. thank you for sharing. i'm so looking forward to reading more.

  8. this is incredibly beautiful. i particularly liked the very last part when you typed "nobody has your story. so embrace what your Creator has written uniquely for you maybe it will bless someone else and in turn you will find joy in that"

    it's so true and i, myself, needed to hear it.
    i'm so sure what you're going through is tremendously hard for both you and your husband and i hope things get a little easier. i personally cannot imagine what it would be like to be away from my love for so long especially after having just married.

    i wish you the best. i'm a relatively new follower and i'm quite glad i stumbled onto your blog. definitely sticking around to see how everything works out :)

    <3, kandice

  9. I am giving you the BIGGEST mental hug right now! Thank you SO. MUCH. for posting this. I've been struggling with the same sort of thing for a couple months now. Like: what's my purpose? Why am I HERE? What am I supposed to do?!

    You're right: God is writing my story uniquely for me. Not for anyone else but me... And that makes me different in a GOOD way.

    Thanks again for sharing this. I definitely needed it.

  10. well.... i teared up reading this. its sort of amazing. i'm at home feeling sad because its so hard being away from My boyfriend. He plays minor league baseball and is 20 hours away for 6 months (march - september). it is so hard on our relationship and we have been going back and forth with what to do. we have dated for 4 years so this is not easy, and reading what you jsut wrote........ i am that girl! i am that girl that needed to read it. Would love to email with you sometime :)