what i'm loving sunday

to start off this might sound a

bit strange but i'm sure most of you can relate

to feelings like this.

i've never really felt like i had much to 

contribute with my life story.

nothing life changing has ever happened to me

in terms of sickness, death or missions in life.

but i have been dealing with this deployment over

the last few months and amidst prayer and searching

deep in my heart i've wondered if and hoped that this

 is my big moment. the big life changing event.

i'm really hoping it is because Lord willing

i prefer not to touch on the latter.

does that all make sense?

i sure hope so b/c it

sounds a little wonky re-reading it,

can anyone else relate?

well,

 today in church i was reminded of the importance to

embrace my story. 

although much of what i'm going through isn't

in sync to what i had imagined and hoped for in life,

it doesn't really matter because 

God is writing my story, not me.

(thank goodness, right?)

how many times do we refer to ourselves

without ever intending to sound self absorbed?

i can count eight references in that first stanza.

it's inevitable. we live to make ourselves

happier, reassured, better-looking or richer.

it's easy to get caught up in the i me mine world.

as of late, it's been really hard to see the importance

of helping others when i feel so low myself. 

but i was reminded today that my situation can help others. 

and maybe that's why God wrote this chapter in my life story.

it's not always about me, shocker

i know!

when i fall into that low pit of despair from time to time

i'm reminded of other military spouse friends

who are going through a similar situation to my own

and then i feel less alone because 

(though it may be selfish)

someone else has an ache in their 

heart that won't go away

just like i do. 

if it weren't for those precious friends, 

that pit of despair might last longer.

i can be that for someone.

for a girl i may not even know.

my story can help someone. 

i can be the girl you think of when it hurts

because you have to spend another day alone

or because you despise looking at all the happy couples 

around, wishing it could be you.

you can think of me

and feel less alone because 

i've been there

and i'm currently there.

in my ideal world, my husband would be home

and wake up next to me every morning

but the beauty of it all is that

in those desperate hours where the ache is so bad

and i long so much for the embrace of my husband

i can remember that my Creator made me

for something bigger. He allowed this chapter in my life.

my story, while not how i planned it, is absolutely perfect for me

because i'm not writing it.  

and i'm not actually supposed to.

the Creator of this world is the author

and He has uniquely designed it for me and for you.

i don't need to try and understand why

i'm spending my first year of marriage

away from the one i love.

it's all been mapped out in advance.

it really doesn't matter what i want, it matters how i use

the story God has written

to better my relationship with Him

and also help those who need to feel comfort

and be encouraged, by saying

you can do this.

nobody has your story.

so embrace what your Creator has written

uniquely for you

maybe it will bless someone else

and in turn you will find

joy in that.