you're my beloved

 

I was on my way to Bible study the other night and

I was having a really big pity party for myself.

I miss my husband more than I can even put into words,

I'm scared half to death just because of his location.

Whenever I have fun or forget about real life for a little

I feel somewhat guilty because my husband is miserable

and more or less sleeping in dirt. 

So as all these things are running through my head

the song "Beloved" by Tenth Avenue North 

came on my Pandora station. 

You're my beloved lover
I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
My love it unites us and it binds you to me
It's a mystery

I couldn't help but let my tears fall.

I was so sad and so down hearted that the lover and creator of my soul

would let this awful time occur in my life.

I've just had such a hard time grasping the real reasons for it.

It hurt and I felt like I was real and honest with God for a minute.

Real about the hurt, questions, uncertainty and confusion.

But then I looked to the left, 

out my window...

One of the most beautiful sunsets I've seen in a long time.

I felt like Jesus met me in my pain.

The painted sky truly brought me comfort, 

he hadn't abandoned me in that moment even if it felt like he had.

But He reminded me that if I'd just let Him in a little further He would show me how

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

I wouldn't say I've overcome this battle of fear and sadness,

but I felt like Jesus was holding my hand in the car that evening. 

He knew I needed a physical sign from Him

letting me know I wasn't alone.

Zephaniah 3:17 

The Lord your God is with you,

he is mighty to save.

He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,

he will rejoice over you with singing.

The Lord my God is with me.

:)