[setting the scene] i'm on bar at work making drinks, and small talk with customers who approach.
me: hi there! how's your day going?
lady slumped over on edge: meh, i'm okay
me: just okay?!
lady slumped over on edge: yeah, i just had my fourth colonoscopy
me: [begins to feel awkward and focus on drinks instead of conversation] yikes, sorry to hear that..i hope this coffee makes your day better!
lady slumped over on edge: yeah, i've had four now..if i didn't mention that already, and i have to have them every 6 months for the rest of my life, you really never know what they'll find up there. they make you drink these soap flushing drinks the night before and oh my goodness...
me: [cuts off lady by handing out her beverage] good luck with that, have a nice day!
[setting the scene] i have extra bone growth on my left arm..it's weird, i know. you can't see it though..so let's move on :)
me: i think i slept on my arm wrong
jeff: is your wing bugging you?
me: my wing? oh, my extra bone growth?
jeff: yea, you're like an underdeveloped chicken
customer: hi, what milks do you offer?
me: hi there! we offer 2% as our standard, or your choice of non-fat, half and half, heavy cream, whole milk, or soy milk.
customer: you guys really should offer more, what about almond milk and 1%milk?
me: there's no room in our fridges for more than the SIX types we already offer, ma'am [don't worry, i always approach these types in the sweetest form possible]
jeff: hey are you dressing up for halloween?
me: um probably not..are you?
jeff: yea i'll probably be like uh body builder because i wont have to buy anything...you know? :)
me: good one..where'd you hear that?
jeff: i made it up earlier today, thought it would be pretty funny
jeff: Would it freak you out if i told you there was a spider nest up here?
jeff: Okay, then i won't tell you there's two.
My Dad [just for fun]
dad: hey see the girl over there with the dual pony tails?