A year later

A year ago today, was the eve of Mr's deployment. The end was so far out of reach, 12 months was all I saw. I didn't know how anyone could last 12 months with out their husband, it didn't seem fair to me that our first year of marriage would be spent apart. I remember savoring every moment with him on our last night. Desperately fighting sleep, forcing my eyes to stay open so I could watch him lay next to me one last time before the morning took him away from me. It's funny the things we do to make moments last.

 

Imprinting memories to get us through those nights that seem to haunt us with a lonesome ache. Those memories, holding hands in church..him letting me pick the drink even though he knows I won't pick his favorite..feeling so loved and wanted when he grabs my face to kiss my forehead..watching him sleep so peacefully..catching an early matinee so we still have time to play dominoes before bed :)..bedtime prayers and morning cuddles. Those memories reminded me to hold on to what will be...once he's home again. Of course a sappy chick flick and a trip to Panera for pastries never hurt either ;)

I've learned a lot of things this year, as expected. I learned that I can be on my own, completely self sufficient. This however, gave me an appreciation for spending time with the ones I love. Being alone isn't all that bad..just quiet. It means you can eat what you want, watch what you want and clean as often...or not as often ;) as you want. So sometimes alone time can be good time. But with all my spare time this past year, I was forced to find ways to keep busy which led me to discovering my passion for crafting and redoing furniture! The hardest times were when I had nothing to do, and nowhere to go. Keeping busy is key..at least it was for me.

I also filled up a lot of my time with photo shoots and learning more about my camera.

The most important thing I've learned this past year, is that we serve a truly faithful and amazing God. In all honesty there were times when I tried to do it by myself. I might have been a little angry with God that he took Mr away from me for a year, frustrated that I had to be alone. But God put things into perspective and I stopped feeling sorry for myself. I had to trust that God's plan was bigger than mine. I won't lie to you though and say I was perfect at putting aside my self pity. There were plenty of times where it crept it's way into my daily life. Overall, I tried to maintain a positive outlook though because Mr's absence was only temporary. Please don't hear this in a cliche tone because it's so real. I can't even list the number of times where God has come through and shown me the importance of faith in Him. This year taught me that my God is with me wherever I go, and He desires the best for me. I think knowing this, and understanding this to be truth are two different things. I've always known God was with me..but I didn't truly understand the capacity of love He has for me until He was all I had.

Mr isn't home just yet, but I'm closer than ever to feeling his embrace. Reflecting back on November 13, 2010 is bittersweet. It hurts to remember the pain and uncertainty I felt going into deployment. But I feel so empowered that we've made it through to the end, and we're stronger than ever. My best friend leaned over to me in worship at church today and said "You did it" I wasn't sure what she was talking about so I asked her what exactly I had done, and she told me "You made it through deployment"

He's coming back to me, safe and sound just as I'd hoped and prayed..we made it through a year apart from each other. Deployment isn't fun, but it's doable.. especially when you allow God to take over and be the true desire of your heart.

God is so good :)

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