another rainy day.
i slept til noon,
who does that unless you're 17?
it's the rainy days that
i don't want to leave the house.
they're my excuse days to stay in
and let the world pass by.
i can stay in my pajamas all day
and nobody will know.
i'm going to a wedding tonight.
it'll be amazing to see the beginning of a new love,
but i fear i will miss my own love
in such an excruciating way.
the trickle of the rain
 makes me long for my love.
 i don't feel strong, and yet i'm told i am
by so many.
sometimes i don't want to hear it though
because i'd rather be weak and
let the truth show through.
i see the pictures on my walls
and try to bring myself back to those times
the giggles
the kisses
looking into his eyes
i wish so badly for that right now.
i feel terrible complaining
as so many people have forever lost
loved ones in Japan.
my pain is fleeting,
but there's will last a lifetime.
i know it's selfish and not the end of the world
but it still hurts
and it's still my here and now.
i suppose i should make myself a happy list.
things i'm grateful for
reasons to love and live.
i should go in detail because
the details make up some of the most
beautiful memories of things i love.
delicious food
beautiful pictures
sunny days
beautiful scriptures
a good book
and i will.
at some point.
just not today.
i need the sun to shine
i'm tired of this rain day after day.
how depressing is this,
i really am a happy person
but the dreary gray skies just aren't
my cup of tea.
just a glimpse of sun, please
i'm tired of rain.


  1. so so beautiful. so heartfelt, so honest. i love your writing. *hugs* to you love.

  2. *hugs* hope things get easier

  3. I have been feeling the same, albeit for different reasons. I hope we both get some sunshine soon.

  4. This is so beautiful, you are an amazing writer. Keep your chin up, I hope things get easier and better soon. <3

    <3Chelsea Elizabeth

  5. a post of realness most like poetry i've read in a long while.
    oh my dear, the sun will show soon.

  6. Rain makes loneliness worse. Spring is almost here, and the sunshine!

  7. I love your honesty in this post. I honestly cannot imagine how hard it must be. Praying for you, love!

  8. PS: Some days it really is okay to stay in pj's and feel sad! That's perfectly acceptable!!

  9. Aw, I wish I could give you a hug and be there for you! You're a strong girl and you can get through this. I hope you at least had fun at the wedding. Just know he is thinking of you too!! Feel better girlie!

  10. I hope the sun comes out for you soon!

  11. i totally and utterly empathize with your words in this post. Sometimes i wonder if i should be screaming and crying and thrashing around so people will see I'm not ALWAYS so strong, that yes i do what i have to do, but I'm still human...but instead i keep the strong face on but alone in my home i do let my guard down.
    rainy days only intensify the longing, the sadness, and the aching. it does help for the sun to shine, it warms not only the outside but our insides too.
    i know everyone handles deployments and separation differently, and that is A-OK, cuz everyone is different, just like Jesus made us. :)
    i'm here for ya anytime!