tired

another rainy day.
i slept til noon,
who does that unless you're 17?

it's the rainy days that
i don't want to leave the house.

they're my excuse days to stay in
and let the world pass by.

i can stay in my pajamas all day
and nobody will know.

i'm going to a wedding tonight.

it'll be amazing to see the beginning of a new love,

but i fear i will miss my own love
in such an excruciating way.
the trickle of the rain
 makes me long for my love.
 i don't feel strong, and yet i'm told i am
by so many.
sometimes i don't want to hear it though
because i'd rather be weak and
let the truth show through.
i see the pictures on my walls
and try to bring myself back to those times
the giggles
the kisses
looking into his eyes
i wish so badly for that right now.
i feel terrible complaining
as so many people have forever lost
loved ones in Japan.
my pain is fleeting,
but there's will last a lifetime.
i know it's selfish and not the end of the world
but it still hurts
and it's still my here and now.
i suppose i should make myself a happy list.
things i'm grateful for
reasons to love and live.
i should go in detail because
the details make up some of the most
beautiful memories of things i love.
delicious food
beautiful pictures
sunny days
beautiful scriptures
a good book
and i will.
at some point.
just not today.
i need the sun to shine
i'm tired of this rain day after day.
how depressing is this,
i really am a happy person
but the dreary gray skies just aren't
my cup of tea.
clearly.
just a glimpse of sun, please
i'm tired of rain.